I haven't had many bad days since I have been away, but there have been a few. Mostly times when I miss my family and friends. If there is something important happening in their lives that I am missing out on. Yesterday was a bit different. Yesterday was all about me and how isolated I felt.
I am one a liveaboard scuba diving boat in the middle of the Red Sea. So visually, all I can see is water and glimpses of land off in the distance. The boat itself is quite nice. I have a cabin to myself and the amenities are all very good.
The difficulties start with the fact that the other passengers are all Danish. They are from a diving club in Copenhagen. Only a few of them are polite enough to talk to me. They can all speak English reasonably well. Far better than I can speak Danish. Now I certainly don't expect them to speak in English to one another, just because I am around, but I would like to be included a bit. I have struck up conversations with them all on different occasions, but as a group they tend to forget I exist. So I have been keeping to myself quite a bit. Lots of reading, lots of ipod listening, lots of sleeping.
Then there is the crew. There are seven Egyptian guys, who spend their whole lives at sea. So a single girl like me seems to get a tremendous amount of unwanted attention. I recognize it is a cultural thing as well, but I am getting a little sick of the ogling every time I have to get in or out of my wet suit. I normally don't have any issue with being the object of a bit of flirtation, as long as it is all good fun. But this is starting to creep me out. I have already rebuffed one request to be someone's 'girl tonight'! Not to subtle, eh!
All of these irritations wouldn't be so bad if the diving was good, but unfortunately I have developed a head cold, so my diving is suffering. I had to skip two dives yesterday and one of the dives I did do, I shouldn't have skipped, as I was feeling really lousy and my ears were sore the whole time. That was definitely a mistake on my part.
So with all of these things piling up, I felt pretty shitty yesterday and I admit, there were a few tears shed along the way.
It is good to write about it. It helps me get rid of the frustration and bitterness. Plus, it is good to recognize that even on a year away from 'everyday stress', shit happens and you are allowed to feel lousy about it. Just don't wallow for too long and find a way to vent (hopefully in a healthy way - a boat hook to the back of a Danish head would not be good).
Oh yeah... I am also PMS-ing! Great!
PS: Today is much better. My first dive was great, my ears are feeling clearer and I am enjoying the sunshine on the top deck!
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2 comments:
Hey Allyson, hang in there girl! Yes, even on an amazing life journey like the one you're on now things won't always be bliss. Just remember that although folks back home aren't readily accessible doesn't mean we aren't thinking of you. You may feel lonely at times, but you are not alone. I check your blog regularly to see what new amazing thing you're up to and wish I could be by your side exploring. Perhaps this fall in Turkey. Keep that chin up! You're having experiences so many people in life NEVER get to have and only dream about!
Yes everything Marci said is true! Hang in there! For a few days here and there of loneliness, you have had and will have many many more of excitement and adventure!
When you are done your trip, you are not going to remember these lonely moments in great detail...This trip of yours is one that most people would never have to courage to do, whether with friends or alone. Stay strong and remember lots of people back home are following your adventure:)
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