Phew - Glad that's over

Well I did it ... I spoke to my boss and gave in my letter of intent for a 12 month Leave of Absence. Gulp!

It was an interesting day. I, of course, had not slept much the night before. Too many scenarios rolling through my sleep deprived mind about getting thrown out of the office on my tush for even having uttered the words "Leave of Absence".

My calendar had started out pretty empty, but began to fill up with meetings and calls. I managed to pass the time without freaking out too much. I had my files in order, I had my cheat sheet of notes to help me direct the conversation, I had my conviction.

By late afternoon, I have just one more meeting to get through. I have no idea what was discussed in that meeting, if I had any action items to follow up on, or if they were asking me to stand on my head and spit nickels. I was so checked out I am surprised I managed to stay sitting up right in my chair. I dashed out early to collect my documentation and have one last bathroom pit stop.

My boss was caught completely off guard, but he was a real trooper. He didn't hesitate or get side tracked with my somewhat wet delivery of the news. He patiently waited until I got through all my notes and description. He waited while I pulled myself together. He even waited while I whipped out the HR documentation to show that I wasn't making any of this up. He simply said that he would do whatever he could to see this through and that he understood my need to regain a sense of balance in my life. Wow - in all my scenarios I didn't see this going as well as it did. I was really grateful for all the preparation I had done to position my request, but in the end it was so much easier than I thought. And such a weight off my shoulders. Phew!!!

From hell to hallelujah

Oh how a day can shift between hellish to glorious in a matter of minutes - or in this particular case, in a matter of location.

Today was one of the most horrific days I have had in my recent years at work. The politics and bullshit reached a new all time high, with very few people appearing to give a damn. There was not a single incident that caused a fallout, but rather just a series of somewhat unrelated meetings, conference calls and drive by rants that coalesced into a steaming pile of crap. I wish I could say "boy will I be glad when I am away from all this mess", but the fact of the matter is it will be happening to someone else; probably someone I know and who doesn't deserve it.

All I could do was drag my tensed up body and battered brain home and hope I didn't mow down any unsuspecting pedestrian on my way in a fit of road rage.

I arrived at home and flicked on my computer. I had failed to check my personal email at work since I was battling the legions of moronic social degenerates all day. With all there is on the go regarding my sabbatical, I have to check in regularly to see what progress may have been made.

Hallelujah - a chorus of angels sing and all of a sudden the world seems a brighter and more compassionate place. I have received confirmation from Kiva that they want me to move forward with the application process. I had not expected this so soon. In fact they had send a note early in the weekend to say it could take as long as 4-6 weeks. Whoo Hoo! I am on my way to micro-financing the world - or at least a small part of it.

Next, I pick up a note from a lovely gentleman inquiring about my bookshelf on Craigslist. After several "Is it still available?" notes from looky-loos, I finally had a solid candidate. With a quick reply to him and an even quicker response back, he was on his way over to check out the piece with cash in hand. Within less than an hour he had arrived, given the shelves the once over, negotiated me down from $40 to $35 and pop the whole thing in his car. Transaction complete! Ah - you got to love the whole simplicity of Craigslist. All hail Craig!

I know a few emails and a small cash transaction may not seem like much, but they managed to wipe away the bile of the rest of the day and remind me that there are purer things in life than work - and I am about to put my entire life into the flow of those other things. Hang on tight!

FRAUD!

For the past several weeks I have been feeling like such a fraud. I am sitting in countless 2009 planning meetings with the biggest secret just wanting to burst from my lips. I am trying to focus on all the elements that need to go into a comprehensive portal strategy and all the while I am dying to say - "but I won't be here". Don't get me wrong - I do actually care (a great deal) that the right portal strategy gets developed and put into place - I want to have a great program to come back to. But at the moment... there are some other pressing issues on my mind.

This is a really strange feeling for me. I am usual pretty good about being able to compartmentalize information. But as the days roll past I am feeling like my secret is developing into a lie. I keep checking my forehead for the words "fraud" or "liar".

It is really really tough to be planning programs with my direct team. They are an amazing dedicated group (you know who you are) and I am going to rock their world with my news.

I have decided that I can't wait much longer. The Rogers policy says I need to give at least 4 weeks notice for a Leave of Absence. I can't wait that long - nor do I think it would put me in good standing with anyone I need to remain in good standing with. I think that 2-3 months is more appropriate, especially when you consider some of that time will be over the Holiday season.

So here is goes... the truth will come out on Oct 30, 2008. Cross your fingers (and toes if you have the flexibility), send me all your good thoughts and pray my karma is in the black on that day.

God - I hope I don't cry ... or worse... puke!