That burning sensation

Most people know that I love the water. I love being in it, sailing on it and living nearby it. So when you think that I am currently living 20 metres off the beach in a lovely hut on Koh Tao island in the Gulf of Thailand, you'd probably think I was in heaven. You'd be right, except for one thing...I burn to a crisp in sun like this.

If you want to improve your own personal economic situation invest in sunscreen companies, because I think I am keeping them afloat at the moment. I have also discover a 100% aloe vera gel call Fruit of Eden that is an absolute miracle cure. I have not peeled once.

Although I contort myself in every way possible, I still can't reach my entire back by myself. I have had to convince the guys that work my bungalow's restaurant to lube me up from time to time. They are all gay so the thought of touching a women is a bit scary. They manage the spray style ok, but there is always a flurry of giggles when I approach.

New patches of freckles sprout up everyday. I am slowly melding into one large brown blob. It is the closest I can ever hope to having a tan. The hard part is when they begin to recede, leaving gaping whitish sections. It looks like I have a dreaded skin condition.

All my beach experience in recent years has included my trusty friend, Celia. She can always be counted on to get me fully covered and recommend a proper turning time. I need you Celia - my back will never be the same!